Life

Writing from the Heart: When Karma Intervenes

Writing from the heart: complicated, cathartic, even karmic

UPDATE:  I originally wrote this post in early 2017 -and shared a largely redacted version. Now, in September 2021, I’m sharing the full post.. with all its emotion and truth.

What happens when we write from the heart? (And we’re willing to share it?)

I recently read an article written by a fellow blogger who said when she started blogging ten years ago, she saw it as “simply journaling – an electronic version of something she’d done as a child in her pink Hollie Hobby diary.” It was a place to write from her heart without – at the time, she said, considering the lives she might touch, the audience she might reach.

Instead, she focused on chronicling her life. She said over the years (and through conversation with others), she’s come to realize that blogging is a way for her to invite folks into her home virtually, sharing details of her family’s life – children graduating, her husband’s illness, those sorts of things – and recognizes her responsibility to her audience and the ramifications of her words.

Her article got me to thinking: What if I blogged from the heart?

There have been occasions when I have. For instance, when my youngest sister was diagnosed late 2014 with breast cancer and when I was struggling with leaving the classroom for the second and final time (2015). In both instances (which happened simultaneously), I was overwhelmed and shared my journey.

  • Contemplate.
  • Sweat All The Things.
  • Guess.
  • Second-guess.
  • Learn.
  • Balance.
  • Dance.
  • Fight.
  • Be determined to make it happen.

Reality continues to shift.

But for the most part, I don’t blog with my ‘most real’ thoughts and feelings coming out in living color. When your heart feels ugly and dark, sharing can feel way too complicated. Inviting others in seems crazy, embarrassing. Thank you, but no. Not today.

  • Contemplate.
  • Sweat All The Things.
  • Guess.
  • Second-guess.
  • Learn.
  • Balance.
  • Dance.
  • Fight.
  • Be determined to make it happen.

Reality continues to shift.

Instead, I tuck my real thoughts neatly into a nicer version – for reasons I explained in candid detail a few nights ago in a post that was brutally honest.

  • Contemplate.
  • Sweat All The Things.
  • Guess.
  • Second-guess.
  • Learn.
  • Balance.
  • Dance.
  • Fight.
  • Be determined to make it happen.

Reality continues to shift.

Then, as I was ready to save the draft, WordPress notified me that my wi-fi had dropped and I was offline. My draft wasn’t saved. Poof. Just like that, my heartfelt blog post (400+ words) about why I don’t write from the heart, was gone.

  • Contemplate.
  • Sweat All The Things.
  • Guess.
  • Second-guess.
  • Learn.
  • Balance.
  • Dance.
  • Fight.
  • Be determined to make it happen.

Reality continues to shift.

Don’t want to hurt people’s feelings.

  • Contemplate.
  • Sweat All The Things.
  • Guess.
  • Second-guess.
  • Learn.
  • Balance.
  • Dance.
  • Fight.
  • Be determined to make it happen.

Reality continues to shift.

Don’t want to offend people.

  • Contemplate.
  • Sweat All The Things.
  • Guess.
  • Second-guess.
  • Learn.
  • Balance.
  • Dance.
  • Fight.
  • Be determined to make it happen.

Reality continues to shift.

Don’t want to create conflict.

  • Contemplate.
  • Sweat All The Things.
  • Guess.
  • Second-guess.
  • Learn.
  • Balance.
  • Dance.
  • Fight.
  • Be determined to make it happen.

Reality continues to shift.

Blah. Blah. Blah.  <– (real me!)

Karmic intervention? Maybe.

  • Contemplate.
  • Sweat All The Things.
  • Guess.
  • Second-guess.
  • Learn.
  • Balance.
  • Dance.
  • Fight.
  • Be determined to make it happen.

Reality continues to shift.

Serendipity? Perhaps.

Either way, it’s time to tell the truth. In 2017, this is where my head and heart were – painfully screaming inside.

  • Contemplate.
  • Sweat All The Things.
  • Guess.
  • Second-guess.
  • Learn.
  • Balance.
  • Dance.
  • Fight.
  • Be determined to make it happen.

Reality continues to shift.

  • I use colorful words liberally – but not here – usually.  😉
  • Snarky, sarcastic thoughts run through my head more often than I should admit.
  • I absolutely detest rude, ill-mannered, loud, lazy, and/or stupid people. Shut the hell up. Get off your butt. Act like an adult. Show some respect – for yourself and others. No, the world does not revolve around you.
  • Quit being a bully. Quit being a victim. Quit trying to control every damn thing.
  • Family and friends tick me off and/or disappoint me often (I know – I allow it and I know – they’d say the same about me).
  • I feel deeply sad and intensely angry about things happening in our world – close to home and far away. Why can’t we be kinder, gentler, more civilized? Why can’t we show some grain of intelligence – as a nation, as a community, as individuals?? 
  • I am increasingly choosing quiet over noise…. it’s a conscious decision. And I like it. A LOT.  Yes, I hear you. I just don’t want to hear you all the time…. I hear you. And I am thinking.

There it is – from my heart.

magnetic fridge poetry - writing from the heart that says the poetry we live
Daily thoughtfulness…

This is the poetry I’m living in 2017. It is ugly. Painful. Dark. Depressing. Hurts to my core.

I feel like I just flung our front door wide open and said, “Come on in for coffee! Oh, and let me tell you how screwed up my life feels.” Maybe I’ll start an anonymous blog.

R.

Writing from the heart in 2021: how time and life experiences change us

  • Contemplate.
  • Sweat All The Things.
  • Guess.
  • Second-guess.
  • Learn.
  • Balance.
  • Dance.
  • Fight.
  • Be determined to make it happen.

Reality continues to shift.

It’s interesting how four years can will change things. Since then, important people in my life, including my mom, have died. I chose to retire early from public Education, we moved back to the coast (thankfully, finally), and I’ve been steadily finding my way back to writing (including blogging). 

Life is not dark now. Nor ugly. It is filled with clarity and peace after making big life changes over the past year. But it is also filled with sadness as I continue to mourn the unexpected loss of my mom in January 2021. I know hope this heaviness will diminish with time.

Or do I? There are parts of me that want this hurt to stay close to the surface, raw with reminder. To sting me. To keep me in check. To not let me be complacent about people. And love. And acceptance. And time. That is my truth.

I recently launched a monthly newsletter, All About the Process: Life, Learning, and Creative Curiosity in honor of my mom and as a nod to my blog that began in 2009 that has provided safe space for me to think and share – especially because I didn’t have to share every blog post. Want to read more? You can subscribe to my newsletter here. 

For years, I encouraged students to write from the heart. Now I’m encouraging grownups to do the same….   

In this season of life, it’s time for me to share from my heart. It’s time to move past protecting me and on to connecting with you – through our shared experiences, one word from the heart at a time.

signature Robin

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